But today marks the 1 year anniversary of finding out that I had made a baby.
I had an inkling that I might be pregnant, in a "it's a long shot" kind of way when I bought a box of three pregnancy tests on my way to work on June 1st last year. I hid them in my purse like I was carrying illegal substances across a border, terrified they'd fall out of my bag at exactly the wrong moment.
Before my show for that day (Pride and Prejudice) started I snuck myself and purse off to the bathroom and took a test. Hm, I thought, that looks like the faintest of + signs.
During intermission, 2 hours later, I decided to double-check, no way that could be a plus sign. Hm, that looks like a stronger + sign.
At the end of the show, 2 hours later, I took the last test. Well, that really looks like an actually plus sign.
My hubs picked me up from work and I convinced him to stop at the grocery store for "Milk" and once again snuck some tests into my purse (paid for of course) and into the bathroom I ran with my purse when we got home.
I took another test while the hubs gathered up our clothes, because it was Laundromat Date Night and I'm not kidding the + showed up before the test had finished "Loading".
I went into the living room, told Ben to close his eyes and stick out his hand and placed the 4th test of the day in his hands.
After the shock and amazement wore off we went to the Laundromat, did our laundry and started to pick out names.
For anyone who followed my old blog or know me personally you might recall how tough pregnancy was for me. We went through a lot of huge life changes while pregnancy was wreaking havoc with my emotions, thru ante-partum depression, and physical health, thru 5 months of constant morning sickness/nausea that never totally went away for the entire pregnancy. Today is more than the day I first day I told Henry I loved him, though it was the first thing I said to me belly after reading the first test, it's a day of celebration for myself.
When I was 16 I had what can only be called a premonition. I remember it clearly, I was walking down the front hallway of my high school, when I had a thought implant itself into my brain and never leave. Something was going to happen when I was 27 and I was going to be lucky to turn 28. I used to think I'd be in a car accident or get cancer, but it turns out it was my pregnancy. I turned 28 a month after my son came into this world.
Though it might seem extreme and little cliché, I do feel like I've been given a new lease on life not only thru my son, but because I made it, I survived the last year of my life and I'm damn proud!
So today I will pat myself on the back a little and give extra thanks to those, my husband and my parents especially, for helping me weather those truly dark days. I couldn't think of a better reward for such a success than my little boy.