Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Molly Makes {A Baby}

No I haven't made a second one... yet... that's long in the future.

But today marks the 1 year anniversary of finding out that I had made a baby.

I had an inkling that I might be pregnant, in a "it's a long shot" kind of way when I bought a box of three pregnancy tests on my way to work on June 1st last year.  I hid them in my purse like I was carrying illegal substances across a border, terrified they'd fall out of my bag at exactly the wrong moment.

Before my show for that day (Pride and Prejudice) started I snuck myself and purse off to the bathroom and took a test.  Hm, I thought, that looks like the faintest of + signs.

During intermission, 2 hours later, I decided to double-check, no way that could be a plus sign.  Hm, that looks like a stronger + sign.

At the end of the show, 2 hours later, I took the last test.  Well, that really looks like an actually plus sign.

My hubs picked me up from work and I convinced him to stop at the grocery store for "Milk" and once again snuck some tests into my purse (paid for of course) and into the bathroom I ran with my purse when we got home.


I took another test while the hubs gathered up our clothes, because it was Laundromat Date Night and I'm not kidding the + showed up before the test had finished "Loading".

I went into the living room, told Ben to close his eyes and stick out his hand and placed the 4th test of the day in his hands.

After the shock and amazement wore off we went to the Laundromat, did our laundry and started to pick out names.

----------------

For anyone who followed my old blog or know me personally you might recall how tough pregnancy was for me.  We went through a lot of huge life changes while pregnancy was wreaking havoc with my emotions, thru ante-partum depression, and physical health, thru 5 months of constant morning sickness/nausea that never totally went away for the entire pregnancy.  Today is more than the day I first day I told Henry I loved him, though it was the first thing I said to me belly after reading the first test, it's a day of celebration for myself.

When I was 16 I had what can only be called a premonition.  I remember it clearly, I was walking down the front hallway of my high school, when  I had a thought implant itself into my brain and never leave.  Something was going to happen when I was 27 and I was going to be lucky to turn 28.  I used to think I'd be in a car accident or get cancer, but it turns out it was my pregnancy.  I turned 28 a month after my son came into this world.

Though it might seem extreme and little cliché, I do feel like I've been given a new lease on life not only thru my son, but because I made it, I survived the last year of my life and I'm damn proud!

So today I will pat myself on the back a little and give extra thanks to those, my husband and my parents especially, for helping me weather those truly dark days.  I couldn't think of a better reward for such a success than my little boy.

Molly Makes {Baby Blankets}

A brief interlude to show you a couple things I've made for other babies.  Two similar blankets, one for the new baby of an old boss and a second sent off to comfort a baby and mother I've never met for Craft Hope.  The second was made of the left over yarn - I always buy too much when I do buy for a project.



It's a great simple pattern, you just repeat the fan pattern to your hearts content and it lends itself wonderfully to striping.  Perhaps after I finish my plans for Henry's next sweaters and his quilt I'll make him is own version of this.  However we were gifted so many wonderful blankets already we're kind of in baby blanket over load so perhaps I'll make a throw-blanket sized version later down the road.  I love having future crafting plans!


Have you ever sent anything to Craft Hope*?  What are your future crafting plans?


* Currently Craft Hope is taking for two Projects - Security Blankets for Tornado Survivors - Infant thru Adult Sized and - Orphan Outreach - Handmade Bracelets.  If you have any projects like this that have been sitting around wait for the right kick in the pants to get you to finish them, this is it!


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Quick Takes #3

Thoughts and tidbits on the last week.

1) Though I think this everyday... my little boy is getting too big!  This needs to stop, he's put the finishing touches on lifting his head while on his tummy (a big accomplishment for Megamind here) which means next week he'll be walking and then off to college!



2) Well last weekend went off without a bang... no people being pulled up to heaven, no massive earthquakes and no zombie apocalypse.  Though I never believed it was going to happen, I'm a good little Catholic-light girl and believe that whole "no one will know" passage, I did think a lot about how I'm happy I'm here in Iowa, with my family, if a major catastrophe were to occur.

3) I always think of one of my favorite book series, The Emberverse Books by S.L. Stirling, when people are decrying the end of the world.  In them all technology stops working, taking humanity back to the dark ages.  Not only is there no electricity, etc., the is no gun powder; nothing that uses kinetic energy works.  In it there are two places in the U.S. that really survive well, though the majority of the world dies within a year, the first is the Willamette Valley in Oregon (which I lived at the end of during my stay in that state) and ... drum roll please... Iowa.  Yup, because of our naturally fertile soil, easily maintained and traversed roads, access to water and relatively flat landscape, Iowa is the only State to really keep itself together.  Ben and I always joke that we're in the right place if the worlds coming to an end.

4) Like I said I'm not an end of the world nutter, but I do take comfort in knowing that I have a good number of skills to use if something were ever to happen or even if my life were to change (perhaps a loss of a job or if gas gets to expensive or food prices soar, something more realistic than a zombie apocalypse) I have skills to get through rough patches.  I know how to grow my food, make compost, make healthy meals that don't need boxes of stuff from a grocery store; I can make, care for and mend clothing for my family along with other skills.  It's nice to know that if things got rough I'd have the skills to get through it a little better.

5) Anyways, the garden/pond is still underway.  I've decide to make my rows go the length of the plot with the hopes that if we have another big storm (which we will) the rain will irrigate instead of flood. So far I've dug a trench around the plot to (hopefully) divert some of the excess water in the future.   Cross your fingers

6) For my last two bits I'd like to share some articles I was shown this week that made me think.  This article on the "Quaterlife Crisis" suggests a lot of what I've thought about over the last few months, perhaps many of my feelings of inadequacy have come from a sense of entitlement... or at least comparing myself to those with the views of "I deserve it all, now".  However, part of the article reinforces the reason I chose to leave behind my last career and really focus on family and a simpler life... sure I wish I had my own home, but other than that I'm pretty darn content with my simpler, dare I say it more traditional life.

7) I'm not really hippy-dippy, über liberal or anything like that and I'm only a transitioning Catholic-Light so I have to admit I don't pay attention to a lot that comes out of the Vatican, but I do have to commend Pope Benedict for taking a stand on the climate and "green" issues.  Honestly I don't care if you think the Earth is a gift to us from God, blah, blah, blah, and we don't have worry about it because here's my two cents about it all -  my mother taught me a few things about getting gifts... you say thank you and you show you're thankful by treating those gifts well.

and as an extra here's an opinion post in my local newspaper about the college/liberal arts education system.  They bring up a few good points that I 've experienced myself.  I believe I'm better off for now have a "trade" or skilled labor ability under my belt and my experience with this has enforced an idea about making sure my children have a skill to rely on as well as a formal education if they choose to pursue it.

How was your week?  We're you secretly holding your kids a little tighter last Saturday, just in case?  Any gardening advice?  What's your two cents about my generation, earth saving and the value of a college education?

Fortunate

Before you...

  • Complain about your job... remember there are thousands who would love to have a job to complain about and that you are fortunate to have one in this economy.



  • Complain about cleaning your house or making dinner ... remember those who are the victims of nature this week and that you are fortunate to still have standing home and food to put on that table.



  • Complain about your kids being annoying or the time caring for them takes from your day ... remember there are those who must live in the hospital and there are those that won't ever get to come home and that you are fortunate to have them safe, healthy and at home.



  • And remember all it takes is one budget cut, one bad storm or one bad report from a doctor to make you really understand how fortunate you were.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Molly Makes {Baby Sweaters}

One of the best things about getting ready for Henry last winter was planning things that I would make for him, and though he'd only get cold months at the beginning and end of his first year I still had plans!  Here are the two sweaters I made for him for his first couple of months, I have a third sweater I made for him for this fall so that will have to wait until he fits in it.  They were both made from yarn I already had, leftovers from past projects.

The first was his "Grandpa Sweater" - pattern HERE -



This is him in it at about 3 weeks old (note the rolled up sleeves).



And this is him in it last week (note the now short sleeves).



Wooden buttons were a gift from his Grandma.  I plan on removing them and putting them on a bigger version of this I'll make this fall.

And his Kimono sweater - pattern HERE -



Button from a jar of buttons I got as a gift years ago.




I like the Kimono pattern, but love the Grandpa Sweater.  I have plans on making Henry a new one for this winter, along with one for his 2 boy cousins, one who will be almost 2 and one who will be arriving in September.  I think I'm going to go for a solid grey, red or brown this time around.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Garden-ology

Rain, rain go away.


Come again...


A weekend I work.


On Saturday I asked Mother Nature to not rain on Sunday, as I hand a lot of gardening related plans.  Because she is sweet and understanding she gave me a Severe Thunderstorm, a Tornado Watch and TWO Tornado Warnings.


But between darting downstairs between Tornado sirens I did manage to get a good amount of planting completed.  Because time is at a premium this year I'm doing the majority of my plants in containers and bought them as small plants.  There are a few varieties of tomatoes, two types of peppers, strawberries, zucchini and cucumbers along with oregano, chives and basil.



We won't be feeding ourselves through the winter with this harvest, but it's a good start.



There's also a black raspberry bush on the front stoop ready to be planted and hopefully joined by some blueberry bushes.


I'm also hoping to get some sweet corn, beans and pumpkins planted in the garden plot out back.  Plans of which are being re-evaluated at the moment.



I wonder why.   Oh well, I'm glad I didn't get anything planted out there; so I'm thinking a raised bed on the higher ground to the right is in order.


Perhaps I should put a few catfish in my new "pond".



Oh well, all in a good days work.


Friday, May 20, 2011

{This Moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Wishing you a lovely weekend!  From www.soulemama.com

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Quick Takes - Bits and Pieces

Wow last weeks Quick Takes was popular!  Thank you Betty Beguiles for giving my post a little shout out!  I thought I'd try another go at the "quotes for an occasion" idea.  So here you have my 7 quotes for my children.

1.  I hope when my kids think of me when they hear this the way I think of my mother



2.  I hope I can teach them that



3.  I hope I can teach them to look a little deeper and to



4.  I hope that one day they find the perfect someone to say this to



5.  I hope they hope and dream and know that



6.  I hope that if nothing else they know to



7.  And when all else fails

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Molly Makes - Nerd Edition

Oh I'm a nerd, my husbands a nerd  and there's pretty much no hope for my son to escape it.  We nerd out to a lot of things, but over the last couple years our specialty has been Dr. Who and like any good Dr. Who nerd whose wife or girlfriend knits there must be a Dr. Who scarf.  It took about 5 months of knitting off and on and a demand that it must be part of his Halloween costume, but it was worth it in the end.

Here's an in progress shot of the infamous scarf.  I'm about 5'3" on a good day and at this point the scarf is only half way done.



Here's the finished product on my hubby for that Halloween of 2009.



I'm proud to say that the scarf has been worn as his actual winter-wear every winter since.

Extra nerd tidbit - since we refused to tell anyone Henry's name before he was born he was christened Baby Who by a friend of mine... I told you he can't escape it.

The pattern I used was found HERE.  I have a dream of someday knitting a blanket with this color scheme.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Anniversary

3 years ago today I married my college sweetheart.  It was awesome.  There was Foosball and everything.  We cut the reception short so we could go see our favorite Irish Pub Band who was performing that night.

Last year, two weeks after my 2nd anniversary I got a belated anniversary gift.


It's currently squirming around on the bed next to me, cuddling a blanket and a (clean) cloth diaper and kicking me.


You can't top it as the best present ever,


but this year I'd be happy with a card...


and some Double Stuffed Oreos.


Here's to many more "belated" anniversaries and Double Stuffed Oreo anniversaries.



See I told you there was Foosball.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Make Do Library

There is nothing better than reading a good book and then sharing the adventure with others.  This is one of the reasons I wish to be a librarian, there are so many good books out there just waiting for their adventures to read or their knowledge to be shared.

So with that in mind I give you "The Library" link to the right, in the hopes that you can crack open a few spines and use their knowledge or be inspired by the writing the way I was.  The books I share and intend to expand on include a bit of everything from finances to simple living, crafts to gardening. And above you'll find my 2011 reading list page.  I know it seems to be wishful thinking to assume, with a current 3 month old, a house to run, a garden to manage, a farm to learn, crafts to make and one of those 40 hour a week paycheck earning jobs to do, that I'll get any reading done.  But I like to shoot for the stars anyways in the words of Lily Tomlin

"If you read a lot of books you're considered well-read.  But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed."


Also please feel free to explore  my Good Reads link for a more complete view of my reading obsession.  BTW if you are on Good Reads please let me know, I'm always looking for avid readers to share with!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Quick Takes - Bits and Pieces

I always wished that was the type of person to always have a quote handy for any given circumstance.  Something wise, witty or silly that just perfectly fit the situation.  Having a pinterest board dedicated to this collection is a good start toward this goal and I've found quite a few good ones.

1. For the Tactful Observation About Your Best Friends Clothing Moment-



2. For the Need to Say Something Profound Moments -



3.  For Those My Life Has Gone to Hell Moments -

4.  Or More Simply -



5.  And If That Doesn't Work



6.  But One Should Always Keep In Mind That Sometimes



7. And If All Else Fails One Should

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Molly Makes...

After the onslaught of the Homemade Christmas gifts from the last post I decided I wanted to have January's crafting a little more "me" centered.  Mainly because my walls were a little on the bare side.  What resulted was a lot of embroidery.

Detail:



Also finished this


 


and this



And for an idea of gauge, and because I'm rather proud of my small stitches.  A close up next to a bottle cap left over from New Years Eve.




These three projects were made from patterns found in a Dover Needlework Transfer Pattern Book picked up at the Goodwill for about 50 cents.  Thread was left over from the craft de-stash I was gifted, fabric was leftover from my days as a freelance costume designer and embroidery hoops were picked up years ago probably from a Goodwill.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Making Do - Then and Now

I'll admit it, it's rather hard for me to proclaim our current situation loudly and with exorbitant pride.  Honestly, I'm a little embarrassed that here we are - two marrieds in their late 20's, with a new baby living in my parent's basement.  With the new up roar about the "boomerang generation" who wouldn't be.  Obviously my husband and I are total slackers who can't cut the apron strings.  Shouldn't we have a big new house, with big new furniture, a big new car in the driveway (or two), along with a big new wardrobe and big new toys?  That's what a married couple in their late 20's with a new baby should have right?

PfffSsshhh.... (this is the sound of milk shooting out of one's nose at the concept of something ridiculous).

Whoever is controlling our societies expectations of my generation must be walking around with their hands covering their eyes saying "LALALALA.... I can't see you!" .  They are ignoring the basic higher education most of us need to get even the most basic entry-level job, not to mention the higher-higher education you need to get ahead in competitive fields - which is almost everything right now.  They are ignoring the time and money that takes, and the time it takes to work up the ladder and lets face it most of us are not fortunate enough to land those big paychecks at the age of 22/23 particularly if we want to be in fields like education, or live anywhere except a large city.

Since when did it become expected for us to have everything right out of the gate?

Luckily I have a lot of great reminders from a lot of great people who had to do a lot of making-do themselves.

My grandparents remind me that when they were new parents in the 50's they lived with my grandfather's mother and spinster Aunt for 5 years (with a growing baby!) because they couldn't afford a home of their own... and that was okay, expected even because my grandmother couldn't work (she had to help take care of her child, in-laws and invalid mother) and my grandfather had to work his way up the ladder in the little mining community they lived in.

My parents scrimped and saved for years as they finished graduates schools and landed their first professional jobs, never having enough to update their college furniture until their mid-thirties and that was okay and even expected.  As my mother pointed, when she was a kid no-ones parents acquired their "good" furniture before they had been married and work up their ladders for about 10 years.

I had a great-aunt who lived with her husband and child with her father until he died because it was expected that someone stayed around to help take care of aging parents and the parents in turn helped out with their grand-kids.

This all seems to wise, helpful and caring a way to live yet here I am finding creative ways to explain away my living situation and constantly fretting about what people are thinking when we explain our situation.   I just want to repeat until their ears bleed "Hey!  50 years ago this was totally normal!",  "Hey! We have a loving, supportive family and we're all mutually benefiting from this arrangement!", "Hey!  We're swallowing our pride because we're making wise financial decisions!"

What do you think?  Is the way our grandparents and parents lived truly a thing of the past?  Should all current 20-somethings be able to have "it all" before they turn 30?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Weekend Recap


  • Sleeping in

  • Cleaning and lots of Laundry

  • Shopping excursion where my patient and thrifty ways landed me with the three pairs of shoes I've been looking for on super sale.  I had looked for new boots for over two years, my work shoes were completely worn through on the insides and my cheap red shoes were well, cheap red shoes and the clearance rack off the outlet store rewarded my patience.  I came home to throw out or donate everything they were replacing (my old boots were almost 10 years old) and I won't need to buy shoes for a long while - making do at it's finest.

  • More errands

  • Dinner out with husband, baby and mother.

  • Quite evening home

  • Woken up to Mother's Day presents - flowers, a card that was hilarious and heartfelt at the same time, and two pairs of earrings from my favorite jewelry store - Target (you know... Tar-je)

  • Church and lunch

  • Home to another present - a replacement Ipod dock set up next to my bed (replacing that one that broke two years ago) and a garden underway

  • Spent the afternoon prepping garden and pruning the pear tree with lots of iced tea and cheese cake breaks

  • Inside for leftovers, baby cuddling (which really happened between every bullet), a warm bath and more cheese cake

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Reflections On My First Mother's Day

Ten reflections on my first foray into Motherhood -

  1. Another persons bowel movements have never been so interesting... in fact very few bodily functions have ever been so interesting.

  2. Some how my days are slower and busier at the same time.

  3. Everyday, whether it was good or bad, feels like an accomplishment.

  4. I feel an inherent need to finally improve on those "little" things so my son will have a good example to follow.

  5. I find myself wondering what on earth I was doing before that was as important as this.

  6. The phrase "A woman's work is never done" is really true - whether stay at home or working mother, this is our battleground, we were made for it - so suck it up buttercup this is your duty.

  7. I will use any excuse to make a funny face or noise.

  8. Every plan I think of is with him in mind first, myself second without realizing it.

  9. I'm so glad I had a boy first - I love dinosaurs, robots, dirt, tractors, etc. - I'd love them just as much if Henry was a girl, but this way people don't look at me as funny.

  10. Somehow I suddenly know every lyric to every Disney movie I've ever seen - Aladdin, Snow White, Mary Poppins, Mulan, anything - some how I know them all again.


Proof of #7 or possibly # 10




Pardon me, "Part of Their World" from "The Little Mermaid" just came on the Pandora Station and I've got to give it my all.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Quick Takes - Plans for the Summer

1.  Get the garden planted!  I was surprised when I broached the topic with my folks how excited they were to have a garden again.  We had them when I was a kid and I've been dying to grow things for years now.  Hopefully some of Henry's first food will be the result of my own hard work in the dirt.

2. Speaking of Henry and food I'm fully intending on making his baby food, and my husband is totally on this band wagon.  So another summer goal is to find a lot of baby food recipes/food combinations in preparation for his first foods.  Any suggestions?

3. Finish clean out the basement - I've started going through our boxes from the move and my boxes in storage from childhood through college.  Downsizing and getting rid of things whose memories I no longer recall.

4.  Finish paying off the car and start on the first home-owning steps.

5. Join a church and figure out when we're getting Megamind baptised - we go back for our second Sunday this week and will decide if we want to join, if so I think Henry will be baptised on All Saint's Sunday this fall.

6.  Organize all of the things I want to get done for Christmas.  Yep, start planning my Christmas in July.  This because I want to start a tradition for Henry and his  (by Christmas) 4 cousins that takes a cue from my role-model Molly Weasley.  Yep, Weasley Sweaters, or at least "Weasely" Knits.  Since all of the kids are under the age of 3 knitting projects will go quickly even though time is at a premium now.  So I'm hoping with a little planning it will get down.

7.  Get out and enjoy the summer - I'm hoping to spend a lot of time introducing Henry to nature at the near by parks and music at our summer Jazz Festival and other outdoor events.

And I leave you an out-take of our Family Easter picture... can you guess who's jealous of the baby.


Visit Jen at conversiondiary.com for more Quick Takes!

P.S. I'm so excited for my first mothers day!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Molly Makes...

The best part of Making-Do is the making part.  Figuring out how to turn something you love to do into something better for you or those around you.  For me I love that I can turn my hobbies into something useful, it helps the cheap and miserly part of brain relax a little when I know that what I purchase for a craft will eventually become something wearable, gift-able or usable.  I have quite a few projects to share, and have been having great fun making things for my little boy, but right now I'm going to rewind the clock back to Christmas 2009, or as I like to think of it "Make"-mas 2009.

Because of my jobs yearly schedule I had November, December and January completely free.  Before you start seeing red please let it be known that they kindly gave me this time off free of any sort of paycheck.  So with my ample free time I decided to go all out with the Christmas presents that year.

Now this wouldn't be appropriate if I said I ran out and got all new supplies, rather I dove deep into things I had - leftovers and notions from unfinished or abandoned projects.

Hand - Cross Stitched "Noel" Decorative Pillows with Felt Backs for the Grandmother-in-Laws




Wool Felt Bird Ornaments - My Own Design -


One set for my Cousin and her New Husband and One set for my Aunt and Uncle



Ben said the grey birds looked evil because of the red french-knot eyes.


I said I didn't ask for his opinion.


;)



Lots and Lots of Knitting -


I owe you a clearer picture of these later and that last hole is stitched up - but these are the hubbies WWII Era Pattern "Trigger Gloves".



Made with this Amazing Purl Bee Pattern "Simple Pleasures Hat" for the Best Friends New Hubby.



The Montse Beret for the Best Friend to Keep Her Warm Up By the Lake



The Meret Beret for my Mother in Law



And Another "Simple Pleasures Hat" for my Father in Law




A run down of my materials and expenses -

Noel Pillows - Purchased the pattern from a local quilting store.  Fabric, thread, wool-backing gifted to be from my mothers de-stashing of her own craft supplies  (she has a side business selling her craft-wares)

Felt Birds - My own pattern and design, felted wool (recycled from skirts and sweaters) and thread also from my mother de-stashing

Knit Hats & Gloves - Patterns were all free!  Purchased yarn for the pink hat and black gloves from local yarn store, the rest were made from leftovers from past projects.

Overall nothing store-bought, nothing expensive all from the heart and (especially the knitwear) appreciated and used!

Monday, May 2, 2011

12 weeks old

Wow my life has changed in just 12 weeks... I can't believe how much he's changed in 12 weeks.

I'm still recovering in many ways from Henry's Birthday, luckily the day had a happy ending, but in many ways I'm still taking in everything that happened that day and it's longer effects on my life.

Mainly its taught me not to dwell too much on slim possibilities of what they day could have been.

I wish I had gone into labor naturally, but in reality by 41 weeks I could barely walk I was in so much constant pain... it was time for him to come out.

I wish I could have last longer once the contractions started, but in reality my I had an hour and a half of perfectly manageable contractions and then they went from 0 to 60 within minutes, they were irregular, sometimes over lapping, body wracking, nausea inducing, and were so intense the peaks flattened out on the monitor because the machine couldn't track them and I wasn't even half way dilated yet.

I wish the terms "failure to progress" and "fetal intolerance to labor" had never had to be used in my labor, but in reality I'm glad I had doctors and nurses who knew what they were doing.  (P.S. "Fetal Intolerance to Labor" is the new term to replace "Fetal Distress" i.e. every time I turned on my right side Henry's heartbeat either dropped or became irregular).

I wish that I had given birth the natural way, but in reality after over 12 hours of labor, 6 hours of no progress, a baby who was face up and not turning and worries about the baby in general we made the best decision.

I wish  I hadn't contracted a fever, had dramatic blood pressure problems and lost enough blood to become very anemic during my c-section, but in reality I was eternally grateful for modern medicine.

I wish I hadn't been so weak after surgery that I couldn't hold my son for almost 9 hours post op, but after nine months of sickness, stress and depression Iwas grateful we both made it to that point, whenever it happened.

But, in reality 9 hours after my operation I was holding baby who was healthy, a 9.9 on the Apgar and filled me with such love I couldn't imagine and if I had to do it all over again exactly the same I would if I could get the same results.

A part of me does wish that I had one of those blissful labors, but in the end  I knew that the labor wasn't about me, it was about making the right decisions give my son the best chance he had on entering the world and I did just that.

------------Epilogue-------------


Okay, I lied about how I would go through everything again.  There is one part I would change, a part I wasn't sure I wanted to tell.


I wish that there hadn't been some odd and discernible to the naked eye on one of my ovaries.


I wish I hadn't been listening to the doctors and residents talking about it.


I wish the test result hadn't come back positive.


I wish that only twenty minutes after discovering the joy of bring a life into the world I hadn't learned that I had endometriosis.


I wish women with endometriosis had an average chance of becoming pregnant that was higher than 40%.


But in reality, as I keep telling myself, I will have more children if and when I am supposed to.  I beat it once without even knowing that I was fighting it.  If it's meant to be I'll do it again.


But for now I'm thankful for what I do have.


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Jealousy

Oh jealousy.

I'd like to say it never rears its ugly head, that I'm always completely, 100% confident with my plans and my choices in life.

But then a friend posts of video of the model mansion home they just "ordered" and my simple dreams of our little duplex or small starter home and eventually cozy little bugalow  seems a little less shiny.

Then the thoughts start about why didn't I do this or that, all the questions rotating on how different choices could have provided larger salaries so that we wouldn't have to live in my parent's basement in order to save up for even the most modest of homes.

Eventually though, I'll remember excess makes me uneasy and how cavernous and vacant those large houses seem to me and how much joy living with my folks and sharing Henry's little moments is bringing to my parents.  And most importantly I remember that one day, if everything goes right I'll be selecting the plans for my farm-house and I realize that big house in the suburb doesn't come with its own acres of fields and yard, no space for a real garden, chicken, sheep, bees, no fruit trees or berry bushes.  It doesn't come with its own fishing pond waiting to be revitalized or with enough land that I don't have to think twice about giving a little patch to my cousins so their kids can escape the city or they can build a place to escape too.  That big house in the suburbs won't make any income just from the land itself.

Suddenly I'm not too jealous anymore.
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