Apart from that I've been doing a lot of thinking.
|I don't have his awesome hair... but I do break into song on a regular basis...|
I don't do scary very well. Those who've known me for a few years know that pattern and comfort help keep my anxiety in check and there's a certain level of comfort and stability that I need to function, but lately I've felt that I've crossed a line.
So my goals during Lent have been to really reflect and challenge myself in certain areas of comfort - I've been looking at our spending, our food, our lifestyle and general and trying to figure out how to get things back to the simple living equilibrium that I love.
Another portion of my goals have been to find a way or at least formulate a plan in regards to certain aspects of my vocation. After careful consideration and a lot of prayer I'm currently at peace with the idea that I will probably never be a full-time stay at home mother. I'm still sad about this, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel in regards to how long I need to remain a full time employee outside of the home. It's not right around the corner, but it's on the horizon and if I can get the first part of the equation balanced out I know we can get there.
I started reading "A Story of a Soul" this week. The whole Martin family has really touched my heart in the past few weeks, but that's for another time. In "A Story of a Soul" St. Therese speaks of being separated from her beloved sisters and how much pain and sadness it caused her. I know this all too well as it's becoming harder and harder to leave for work each day and I miss my son fiercely. She explains how she came to understand that these little separations were a sacrifice she was being asked to make for God.
My child is well cared for, provided for and loved immensely and at this point in his life I have to make sacrifices to accomplish this. I choose to see it as sacrificing my time with him, not his time with me or our time together, but rather the way I wish I could spend my own time. I am being asked to sacrifice something I want so dearly - my comfort, my wants, how I'd love to spend my time - for someone so important to me and that is love.