I think I'm in the homestretch with all of this. After a long and hard weekend I am ready to put this behind me. It's not over, but after three days of contraction level "cramps" I think the worst is over. It might be strange, but I'm proud that I was able to give this pregnancy a natural completion. In many ways it mirrored a real labor, just on a smaller scale and I'm proud of that.
I'm doing okay. Some things are a little hard, but in general I don't feel like I had enough invested in this pregnancy to really merit too much more emotion. It sounds strange, but remember I had a feel something was "off" for almost the whole month of May. There was no heartbeat ever heard, face seen, in fact there was no body at all. There was very little to be attached to.
I have some amazing friends - real life and on-line - and they've really been amazing.
I'm ready to move forward. Though some of that might take a while. This pregnancy was the result of a "leap of faith" in our family planning. It was almost as much of shock to see that first positive test than it was to find out it was over and my mind is still working through that. Is this what I get for being trusting? It's really throwing me for a loop.
But at the end of the day I'm still here and I'm still me. I'm still happy to see new baby pictures or hear exciting news. The best thing about life sometimes is that it goes on. The world keeps turning.
I'm thinking from here on in things will be a little bit more normal around here.
Thank you everyone for your love, prayers and support.