Monday, September 17, 2012

In Due Time

The first day of fall rolled into today.  We had a few hours of cold, rainy weather.  Perfect soup weather.  I knitted Henry's winter hat while he read books and played with trains.  Good days.

I seemed to have temporarily lost my blogging mojo.  I apologize.  We've had vacations and ill relatives, a house to get ready for winter, a few unexpected expenses and all those little things that take up time.  However, in the few moments I have to spare I've been putting together a few great posts that I think will make up for it.

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It's too easy to get wrapped up in the minutia of the day to day life.  Particularly as a work-away-from-home Mom it's too easy to discouraged when you feel like those hours you spend away aren't amounting to as much as you'd hoped.  But, if there's one thing being a parent has taught me is that you can only plan so much.  I used to be able to plan out long stretches of time and have it go, relatively, according to plan and to an extent I miss that.  I'm trying not to let myself plan too much any more.  Sure we have our little goals - savings accounts and things set aside for special occasions, to do lists for the house and family, but I'm trying to learn to let that go a little more. 

I try to remind myself that we are succeeding in living within our meanings on a small budget a large portion which is eaten up by daycare expenses.  One day we'll have that money again we'll be able to plow thru those student loans and have more wiggle room.  I remind myself that we wouldn't be anywhere near comfortable if I wasn't working and that's just the reality of it.  It's not a career mindset and it's not where I go to feel "fulfilled", it's what I do so that my son can see his father day to day and we don't have to fret about the heating bill or groceries and that's better than nothing.

It's easy to let the jealousy bug take a bite being surrounded, in real and blog life, by so many wonderful women who get to do things I can only dream off - stay home, not worry about the spacing of their desired children, etc., etc.  Sadly, I'm human and if you're reading this I've probably compared myself to you one too many times even though I don't know the ins and outs of your lives, you struggles or even your budgets.  But at least I'm honest, right?

The phrase I've been given, literally after prayer, is "In Due Time".  In due time we'll know when it's right to grow our family, but for now we're enjoying ever minute of Henry's life.  In due time we'll pay off those loans, but for now we should be proud in our ability to live well within our means.  In due time we'll get there.

In due time is such a strange phrase to have been given; it's not a yes and it's not a no.  Rather it's a "wait" and, well, who ever was giving me that message knows me to well because that is the one thing I'm terrible at doing.  So for now I wait for what will come in due time.

8 comments:

  1. In due time is the hardest answer! When I returned to the work force (as a housekeeper at a local hospital) it was so hard for me especially knowing I have a college degree and should have been able to get a "better" job. Nothing else was working out though, and my family desperately needed health insurance. It was what I had to do so my husband didn't have to seek out another job, it was what I had to do so we wouldn't overextend ourselves paying daycare, it was what I had to do so my family could have insurance that wasn't going to bankrupt us. Honestly I hated it. But I knew I needed to be there. I'm glad I was because that insurance came in handy when I was in a car accident and started contractions at 7 months. It came in handy the numerous times my daughter had to go to urgent care because of an uncontrollable asthma attack. I am thankful that our "in due time" has come and we found affordable health insurance, and that I can now stay home with my children. In due time is hard. I hope things work for your "in due time" to be sooner or at the least that you are able to remain patient while you wait. *Hugs* to you Molly!

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  2. Ugh, waiting is the hardest part of anything. To be honest, there have been plenty of times I have compared myself to you! You are in your current cycle because that is what is right for you and your family right now. It is easy to get discouraged, but the reasons you gave for working are wonderful reasons! I know your heart is at home and with your little guy, and "in due time" it will happen. Until then, remember that you are his mama, his only mama, his best mama - no matter where you spend your time during the day.

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  3. Thanks ladies, you're the best. I just need to get the "funk" out of my head! We all compare ourselves to each other don't we!? It's soo hard not to do, particularly when we tend to only share the good things!

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  4. ugh, "in due time" is not the answer we want, is it? hard as it is, though, i can say from experience that sometimes the wait itself is worth it. hope that you can find JOY in the wait, cherishing the small moments that make it worthwhile, and that "in due time" will become "now" before you know it.

    (and yes, i get envious of other bloggers, too...i try to remind myself that i am usually comparing my worst to their best!) :)

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    1. So true! I'm definitely trying not to let in hamper my time right now - I keep reminding myself that if H. is the only baby I get I should be enjoying as much as I can and not pining away for what my never happen!

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  5. Thanks for this post - i often feel the same way! Sometimes it's hard to remember that you're only seeing a small window into someone else's life - and usually all you're seeing is the good stuff.

    Waiting is always the hardest part! Sending prayers your way that your "in due time" comes soon.

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    1. There has to be an impossibly long German word for "The joy felt when you know everyone else comparing themselves to totally ridiculous standards and you don't feel so alone" =D

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  6. Loved this post, Molly! I have been feeling so similar to this lately - like when is my life going to be at the point I want it to be at? But you are so right - all these things will happen in due time!

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